Car Fails
by Trickster Schatten
Summary: Meta Knight, Sword, and Blade, wake up on Earth. Now they get to drive a car! Join them on crashes, police chases, nicking, baseball games, food fights, and forest fires! Rated T because of my paranoia. Sequel is PLANE FAILS, coming after this!
1. Chapter 1: The Car

**Hello, hello! Six words. Meta Knight. Sword. Blade. Car. Epic. FAILS. Enjoy, review, favorite, follow, and, most of all, LAUGH!**

* * *

Meta Knight's eyes stung. He couldn't open them. There was a faint roar in his ears, and the pavement below him was hot.

"OW!" yelled someone. "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!"

"Be quiet...," Meta Knight mumbled. He forced his eyes opened and turned right. Suddenly his jaw dropped.

"MOVE!" said the person who spoke before, Sword Knight. Meta Knight swiftly grabbed the snoozing Blade and they jumped to the grass beside of the road as the school bus barreled past. A few kids had their noses pressed to the glass windows, gaping at Meta Knight and his squires. One dropped the window and squealed, "METY!" but quickly closed the window as angry red eyes greeted him.

"Blade," said Meta Knight gently, "wake up. We just saved you from a tragic death caused by a careless bus driver."

No reply.

"Ooh," Sword said. "I got something!" And he raised his hand and smacked Blade upside the head. Blade's helmet trembled, and he jolted awake, muttering words like, "moron," "good for nothing," "dang it."

"Oops upside yo head!" giggled Sword.

Meta Knight rolled his eyes as another car roared past them. "We need a way to get around."

"Fly?" Blade suggested.

"No," said Meta Knight, "somehow these creepy children of this planet know me."

"Swim!" Sword grinned.

"NO."

Blade tilted his head, "Fly?"

"NO!"

And Blade sniffled. Sword patted his friend's back and glared at Meta Knight. "Ickle Metykinns huwt Blade's feelings..."

Meta Knight turned around and said in wonder, "Car!"

"You're crazy," Blade said. "Now you're seeing cars."

At that time, a third car zoomed past. "OMG, car!" said Blade excitedly.

Meta Knight frowned. "_This _is a place where you rent cars." After a moment he added, "BEHIND us."

Sword whirled and whimpered. "But we don't have any money..."

Blade leapt up. "I'll get some!" and he ran off.

* * *

_**TWENTY MINUTES LATER**_

* * *

Blade was back with six hundred dollar bills in his left hand, and a wallet in the other.

"Woah!" said Sword with a grin. "How'd you get that?'

"Nicked it."

Meta Knight's eyes widened. "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?"

"Nicked it," Blade repeated. "Old dude. 'Bout eighty, maybe one fifty."

"Great," said Meta Knight tonelessly.

"Now, let's get a CAR!"

* * *

_**AFTER SIX HOURS**_

* * *

Meta Knight and his friends hopped into Sword's chosen car.

"A Honda?" asked Meta Knight, frowning.

"YERP!" Sword replied.

"Awesome," said Meta Knight.

"Now...," Sword started. "CAR ADVENTURES BEGIN!"


	2. Chapter 2: A Big Bang

**I want to take a break from adventure tales, so, NEW UPDATE! ENJOY! (Or I'll feel like this was for no reason.)**

* * *

There was silence in the car for a long moment. Sword kicked at the air near floorboard from the driver's seat as Blade (in the passenger's seat) and Meta Knight (who was in the middle backseat) stared at him.

"I," declared Sword grandly, "can NOT reach the gas pedal."

"OOH!" said Blade, as though Sword hadn't spoken. "There's a TV back there, sir!"

Meta Knight gazed up at the ceiling while Blade pulled down a tiny television. "Whoop-dee-doo."

"I know, right!" Blade chirped.

"Blade," Sword called pitifully, "get in the floorboard and..." He whispered the rest to Blade, whose face exploded into a wide grin.

"OK-o, Sword-o!" Blade laughed, as he obeyed his directions.

"Sword," Meta Knight said, "what did you - "

With three roars, the car shot off like a bullet. "SPEED LIMITS EXIST, YOU KNOW!" Meta Knight shouted over the bellowing of the engine.

"REALLY?" Blade piped up from the gas, where he let off the gas a bit.

"Yes, this one is sixty."

"OK!"

BANG! The car was going two times sixty, and the sudden takeoff tangled Meta Knight in his seatbelt, choking him. He made a gagging sound as colors whisked past the window. They didn't stop the car at red lights, stop signs, or anything else.

Meta Knight promptly made a loud gagging sound, indicating that he couldn't breathe.

"OH MY NOVA!" screamed Sword, letting go of the wheel and whipping around to face Meta Knight. "BLADE, DRIVE!"

Sword hopped over next to his master, and began to untangle him. Blade was in a backbend, feet on the gas, hands on the wheel, and his face stuffed into the bottom of the driver's seat. "I CAN'T SEE!"

The second he was untangled by his turquoise squire, Meta Knight hollered at Sword, "WE'LL CRASH!"

Sword kicked his feet up, resting them on the back of the passenger's seat. "NAH, WE'LL BE FIIIIIIIIIIINE, SIR! FINE AS WINE!"

Suddenly, the whirl of the colors began to stop, and time seemed to slow. Sword and Blade let out frightened screams, Blade because of his lack of vision, Sword because of the sight of what they were inches away from. Meta Knight hd no idea what it was until -

_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!_

Glass flew everywhere, smoke was in the air. But Meta Knight had no idea, because Sword had flung Meta Knight's body over his own, and with Sword's shoulder in his face, Meta Knight growled and got up. Then his jaw dropped to the seat.

All you could see in the windshield was the hazel bark of a full grow oak tree.

"GOOD NIGHT, BLADE, THAT WAS SO STUPID!" roared Meta Knight.

"G'night, sir," said Blade with a polite grin.

Meta Knight face palmed.


	3. Chapter 3: Roasty Toasty Honda

**Thank you, reviewers! Take some cookies! Enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

Meta Knight jumped out of the car with his friends in tow. Sword stared at the oak that blocked their way.

"I've got this!" he said, pulling out his sword. He swung at the tree trunk, but his blade wiggled and the tree wasn't fazed. Sword sheathed his weapon and whipped out something that Meta Knight couldn't see.

Suddenly the tree erupted into flames.

"SWORD, WHAT THE HECK!" shouted Meta Knight as the other surrounding trees caught fire, too. One of the elm trees fell at Blade's feet, who screamed and jumped into Sword's arms like Scooby Doo.

"I fixed it!" Sword said.

A flaming tree toppled over onto the car's hood.

"AW CRAP!" yelled Meta Knight. "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

And they turned tail and scrambled, dodging trees. Just when they were a good thirty feet away -

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

The car exploded. The sound sent them flying to the ground, making their ears ring.

"I feel like James Bond...," muttered Blade blankly, who promptly fainted.

"Great," said Meta Knight, "we need a new car."

Sword, however, wasn't listening. He was snapping pictures with an iPhone 4. Then he stopped, turned to his master, and shrugged. "What?" he asked. "It was in the cup holder."

"Whatever. _I_ choose the car this go round."

"OK," Sword said with an evil smile. "But I want me a ham samich."

Meta Knight paused. "You watch too much TV."

Sword's grin only got wider, which kind of freaked Meta Knight out.

"I at least want lunch."

"All right, Sword."

Blade suddenly jumped up and screamed, "FLYING DOUGHNUTS!"

Sword was at his side, looking around wildly. "Where? WHERE?"

"There are no flying doughnuts, you crazy person," Meta Knight snorted into the grass.

Just then a doughnut landed at Sword's feet.

"HA!" Sword mocked, before devouring the treat.

Meta Knight spread his wings, ignoring Blade, who was sniffling about the lost doughnut.

"Let's fly."

And the epic moment was ruined just as a second doughnut hit the Star Warrior's right wing.

* * *

**Who can guess what "ham samich" is from? The first gets a surprise!**


	4. Chapter 4: Beast VS Jimmy Vs Soccer Mom

**I'm still taking guesses! What TV show is the phrase 'ham samich' from? I shall show the secret in two chapters! READ THIS RANDOM CHAPTER!**

* * *

Meta Knight and his friends arrived at the car lot at sunrise. The cars' paint gleamed in the pink sunlight as Meta Knight's golden eyes locked on a sleek black car. Sword gaped at a red Honda van.

"I've got an idea!" Blade chirped. "Let's all get cars!" Then he darted off to a store. The sign over the doorway read '**TOYS**.'

Sword exploded into laughter. Meta Knight chuckled and lead the way into the car lot.

* * *

_**ONE HOUR**_** LATER**

* * *

Meta Knight twirled the keys in his hand, pleased with the car he chose. It was an epic-looking, night black Ferrari. He looked at Sword, who was beaming at his scarlet Honda. When he saw Blade, his eyes turned lemonade pink and Sword laughed uncontrollably. Blade frowned, looking wounded as he glanced at what he had picked.

A dandelion yellow tricycle.

"What?" Blade said sadly.

A bystander began playing viola. Sword smacked it out of the man's hand, and they proceeded into a fist fight. Meta Knight broke them up and the guy ran off, screaming about blueberries coming to life.

"_I'M NOT A FREAKIN' BLUEBERRY! I'M A STAR WARRIOR, YOU MORON! SHOW SOME RESPECT!_" shouted Meta Knight, his eyes as red as Sword's Honda. His eyes went gold again as he sighed.

"So, Blade, the brilliant plan?" he asked.

"Ag pace!" yelled Blade.

Silence filled the air between the friends.

"Wha?" Sword cocked his head, confused.

"AG PACE!" Blade repeated. "I _said_, DRAG RACE!"

"That's illegal!" Meta Knight protested.

"Look, bannana beak is scared!" Blade mocked.

"You have problems; I don't have a beak!"

Blade wailed, "You were _supposed_ to say, 'It's Mister Bannana Beak to you, fuzzy!'"

Meta Knight turned to Sword. "You let him watch the Lion King again."

Sword 'uh-huh'ed happily.

Meta Knight groaned and concluded the random conversation. "Drag race...it is."

* * *

_**AFTER 10 MINUTES OF SEARCHING FOR A DESERTED ROAD**_

* * *

Meta Knight lined up, his front bumper even with Sword's. Blade (was more or less) in the same place as them, but with a tricycle, the two in real cars knew that Blade was going down. The three had walkie talkies for communication.

"Start your engines!" yelled Meta Knight into his walkie-talkie.

The Ferrari roared powerfully as Meta Knight turned the keys, and Sword's engine snorted pitifully. Blade made vrooming noises and tried to do a wheelie, almost falling over and landing a trip to the ER. Meta Knight's eyes narrowed.

"READY..."

"SET..."

"G - "

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD IT!"

Meta Knight's competitive spirit melted as Sword's voice exploded from his walkie-talkie. In a defeated tone, he lifted the walkie-talkie to his mouth and said, "_What_, Sword?"

"We need racing nicknames," Sword declared.

"Meta Knight's name should be _The Beast_!" Blade chirped into his contraption.

"I'm _The Soccer Mom_!" Sword announced jovially.

Meta Knight lifted his walkie-talkie again. "Really?"

"I'm _The Jimmy_!" said Blade.

Meta Knight froze. "Oooooooooooooookay," he muttered.

"NOW!"

"READY!" Sword called.

"SET!" Blade squealed excitedly.

"GO!" yelled Meta Knight.

The friends were off. Meta Knight was leading. Blade had peddled twice and was panting. Sword's foot was down on the gas so hard that his foot began to hurt. Meta Knight smirked as they swerved to a highway bridge. They weaved through traffic. Meta Knight nearly jumped to Kingdom Come when Sword screamed like a little girl as Sword flew off of the highway bridge.

"Soccer Mom _DOWN_!" Blade giggled in his walkie-talkie.

Meta Knight stopped when he finally made three full circles around town. He pulled up to where Sword went down, only to see an ambulance, which was blaring it sirens and speeding off to the hospital.

After five hours, Blade caught up with Meta Knight at the hotel. He was sweaty and was forced to shower upon entering the room. Their room was nice. A giant window, two king-sized beds, and a flat screen TV were just a few features, along with two wardrobes, a mirror, and a bedside table, which donned a lamp.

"We'll see Sword tomorrow," Meta Knight declared, flipping off the lamp.

"OK," replied Blade softly from the air.

"Good night, my friend."

"Night, sir."

* * *

**Not so funny chapter... But, meh. REVIEWERS GET VIRTUAL COOKIES!**


	5. Chapter 5: Mety and Nursie

Meta Knight and Blade awoke at five in the morning. Blade took his tricycle to the hospital, and Meta Knight drove his black Ferrari. After listening to fifteen miles of Blade's complaining about how someone threw pizza at him, they were at the hospital.

"OMG, it's big!" squealed Blade.

Meta Knight rolled his eyes and walked near the automatic doors. He was amazed as they instantly slid open.

"O. M. _J_!" Blade gasped.

Meta Knight entered, Blade in tow. After a nice chat with the nurse, who started yelling her head off about aliens, they found Sword. His arm was in a sling, and crazy machines surrounded his hospital bed.

"Hey," he greeted.

Silence.

"That's it?" asked Meta Knight, his eyes snow-white.

"Uh, why would I say anything else?"

Blade began to cry. He embraced Sword tightly. "WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU, MY DEAR FRIEND? WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY!"

Sword only giggled. "Concussion."

Meta Knight whooped with joy, his eyes pure gold. _No more insane Sword!_

Then a nurse came in and gave Sword some medicine. The moment she left, Sword screamed like a banshee: "TACOS!"

Meta Knight froze. He slowly walked over to the bedside table and rammed his head into it four times. When he stopped, he looked at his staring squires and sighed. "My life is terrible. He was on _calming _medication. NOVA, why?"

The nurse returned. "Mister, your car is fixed. You are released."

Meta Knight met her eyes and sincerely thanked her for her hospitality. She giggled and blushed.

"Thank you, Mister Meta Knight, for your politeness."

Unfortunately, Sword and Blade chose the second that they got into their vehicles to chat: "Meta Knight and Nursie, sitting 'n a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First come loooooooove! Then comes - "

"SILENCE, FOOLS!"

* * *

Sword was hungry for lunch.

"We just ATE FOR THE SECOND TIME IN THIRTY MINUTES!" Meta Knight pointed out. "Only to make you stop complaining."

They drove up to the buffet bar. But Sword's car wasn't fixed correctly. He rammed it through the wall.

"Oops!" Sword laughed.

Luckily, no one was on the deserted road.

"Let's go," Meta Knight sighed.

Disaster awaited them, as always.

* * *

**SHORT! NEW UPDATE IS SOON!**


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